Has anyone been through an adoption process?

Question by Ms PBL: Has anyone been through an adoption process?
My wife and I aee comsidering. But afraid we womt be picked just because we are an lesbiam couple. Is it was easier to adopt foster children? If so is it because they are generally older

Best answer:

Answer by amyhpete
Look on AdoptUSkids.org. A few placements, usually of sisters, would PREFER a single mom or lesbian couple placement, because the girls have likely been through some abuse by men, and want to live in a girls’ house. You can also list a profile on Adoptimist.com after you have a home study.

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One thought on “Has anyone been through an adoption process?”

  1. Good luck to you and maintain hope! (And do your homework on adoption so you know what the right path is for you and your family.)

    Your adoption options are: Domestic Independent/Agency Adoption, Foster Care Adoption, and International Adoption. Every kind of adoption has its own benefits and challenges. I would recommend connecting with an attorney that specifically practices adoption law (not a tax attorney or a real estate attorney who does adoptions on the side to make some extra money), or an adoption agency.

    It *may* be more difficult to match in an independent adoption (the kind in which a woman in an unplanned pregnancy chooses the adoptive parents for her child), but it’s not impossible. In fact, there are some biological parents who would prefer to place their baby with a same-sex couple, knowing that they can’t biologically do it on their own, short of using a donor and/or surrogate.

    A great resource to start your inquiry into domestic adoption is Jennifer Pedley’s book, “Secrets to Your Successful Domestic Adoption.” As an adoption professional who has read countless books, I consider this is at the top of the required reading list for all prospective adoptive parents. The book is a quick read and written with much knowledge and sensitivity (the author is a birthmother and adoption social worker). It’s a comprehensive guide to the adoption process.

    I also recommend Adam Pertman’s “Adoption Nation.” It’s less of a “how to” than Jennifer’s book, but it will help you grasp the history of adoption, ethical concerns to be aware of, and how adoption impacts all members of the triad. Pertman is the Executive Director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute and an adoptive parent.

    For information on foster care adoption, I recommend looking at http://www.AdoptUSkids.org and the Dave Thomas Foundation. Both are great resources to get you started. There are clear benefits to adopting from foster care. Adoption is about finding families for kids, not kids for families. And there are plenty of kids who need a loving family. Foster care adoptions also tend to be inexpensive, or cost nothing at all. You may even be eligible for monthly aid from the state, if the child qualifies. Children adopted from the foster care system can also be eligible for state-funded medical care, therapeutic services, and even college grants.

    Both independent adoptions and foster care adoptions can be loving ways to provide a home for a child. If you want an infant, it will be difficult to do that through the foster care system unless you are willing to foster with the possibility of the child being reunified, or are matched with a safe surrender baby (these are infants who are anonymously relinquished at hospitals, fire departments and police stations). Some caregivers can handle fostering with the possibility of reunification, and others can’t. If not, you can adopt after the child’s parents’ rights have been legally terminated so that there is no risk of reunification.

    When you’re looking at profiles of children, you may see notes about the adoption being a “legal risk adoption” meaning that the parents’ rights haven’t been terminated, or that the child is “legally free for adoption,” meaning that the child’s parents’ rights have been terminated and there is no possibility of reunification with the biological parents. If you’re open to adopting older children, sibling sets, a child of any race, or children with special needs, your options with adopting from the foster care system will be much broader.

    If you’re looking into international adoption, some countries only place children with married, heterosexual couples. You’ll need to check with an adoption attorney or agency who knows which countries you’ll be able to adopt from, as a same-sex couple.

    In deciding whether to adopt via a domestic independent adoption or internationally, or through the foster care system, you should consider:
    *the costs of adoption including whether you’ll need to travel
    *whether you’d like an Open Adoption (95% of USA independent adoptions have some degree of openness)
    *the likely amount of time it will take to get matched
    *whether you are open to adopting older children, sibling sets, or children with special medical/emotional/behavioral needs.

    Good luck in growing your family!

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