If you are putting your baby for adoption…?

Question by kiki06: If you are putting your baby for adoption…?
I am 19 and have decided to carry my baby full term and choose a guaranteed open adoption for him/her. If you plan to put the child up for adoption and choose a family before birth, do you still get to name your baby? i know they dont take your last name for obvious reasons but im curious to know if at least ill be able to name him/her
i read online that you can have either open or closed adoptions but dont know too much about them. but i would like an open adoption with a family that will allow me to every once in awhile get information about her as she or he grows up. i read that you need to get a guaranteed open one so the adoptive family cant close it and not allow you to have contact with the baby

Best answer:

Answer by LadyCatherine
you can, but that does not mean the adoptive parents can’t change it later on..

define ‘guaranteed open adoption” for me please..

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8 thoughts on “If you are putting your baby for adoption…?”

  1. You can name your baby but once the adoption is finalised the adoptive parents will apply for a birth certificate with their names on it and they could easily change the babys name then. Having said that i’m sure the lucky people that you give your baby to will be so grateful for the gift that you are giving them that they will be happy to keep the name you give your baby!

  2. There is NO SUCH THING as a “guaranteed open adoption”, also, you can call the kid whatever you want, but once you’ve ABANDONED your child, the new parents get to call it whatever they want, regardless of what you want.

    EITHER PARENT OR ABORT!

    DO NOT ABANDON YOUR CHILD TO ADOPTION!

    Also DO NOT contact anyone on here who’s saying “mail mail me, I’ll snatch your baby away from you”

    Adoption or Parenting Not Always the Best Choice
    @ http://thenotsodailyherald.wordpress.com/2010/07/27/adoption-or-parenting-not-always-the-best-option/

    Abortion is a simple medical procedure which ends a pregnancy
    @ positive.org/JustSayYes/abortion.html

    http://www.prochoice.org/

    It is entirely possible to have an abortion and not feel guilt because you knew it was the right thing to do: http://www.imnotsorry.net/

    http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2009/03/breaking-silence-on-living-pro-lifers.html

    Abortion: There is a Consensus: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsSQiazUvgo

    Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Considering Adoption
    @ http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/wish.html

    What you should KNOW if you’re considering adoption for your baby
    @ http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index.php?id=1

    Considering adoption? Don’t feel you have any other options?
    @ http://www.keepyourbaby.com/

    Myths told the unmarried mother
    @ http://gift-not-choice.tripod.com/myths-about-asfa.html

    Adoption Truth
    @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOZGwqHVnKs

    Unplanned Pregnancy without Crisis
    @ http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm

    Open adoption is almost never legally enforceable, and many parents have lost access to their children due to broken “open” adoption promises.
    @ http://www.mercianeclectics.dsl.pipex.com/adoption/OpenAdoptionWall.htm
    @ http://www.bringperihome.com/
    @ http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100709095305AAjeM4z
    @ http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100830162150AAi478W

    Quotes taken from Nancy Verrier’s book, Coming Home to Self
    @ http://www.nancyverrier.com/self_book.php

    For the adoptee every day is a challenge of trying to figure out how to be, although he probably doesn’t understand the difficulty this presents for him. It has been true his whole life and, therefore, feels normal. However, it takes a great deal of energy and concentration. And it never feels quite right. He never quite fits. Therefore he feels as if /he/ is never quite right.
    (pg 50)

    Abandonment and neglect are reported to be the two most devastating experiences that children endure – even more devastating then sexual or physical abuse. That’s why some neglected children do naughty things to get attention. Even though the attention is hurtful – being yelled at, hit, or otherwise harmed – it is better than neglect. /Anything/ is better than abandonment. Abandonment is a child’s greatest fear. For adoptees, it is also reality, embedded in their implicit and unintegrated memory.
    (pg 102)

    It is sometimes difficult to spot grief in children. After all, it isn’t as if the child sits in a puddle of tears his entire childhood. As one adoptee said, “Of course I played, laughed, sang. Do people think that if you’re not sitting in a corner with your head on your knees, you are not sad? I had happy times, but the sadness was always there, even when I was having fun.”
    (pg 117)

    _____Links supporting families to stay together_____

    Single Mom @ http://www.singlemom.com/
    Mentor Moms/MOPS/Teen MOPS (support!) @ http://www.mops.org/
    Angel Food (food assistance) @ http://www.angelfoodministries.com/
    Feeding America (food assistance) @ http://www.feedingamerica.org/
    Co-Abode (housing assistance) @ http://www.coabode.com/
    Safe Families (for emergency/crisis care) @ http://www.safe-families.org/
    Teens @ http://www.teenbreaks.com/pregnancy/pregnancyhome.cfm
    Adoption Crossroads® and Adoption Healing @ http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org
    Adopted Child Syndrome @ http://www.amfor.net/acs
    Origins-USA @ http://www.origins-usa.org
    United Family Services @ http://www.unitedfamilyservices.org/
    Family Assistance Foundation @ http://www.familyassistancefoundation.com/
    Safelink Wireless @ http://www.safelinkwireless.com/

    Finally, I suggest you take notice of the fact that adoption does NOT “save” kids: http://lubbockonline.com/crime-and-courts/2010-12-22/lubbock-man-arrested-sexually-assaulting-adoptive-daughters

    Good luck!

  3. There is no such thing as a “guaranteed open adoption.” Open adoptions are not legally enforceable in the U.S. That means that a potential adoptive couple can promise you visits, phone calls, letters, updates, etc. and then walk away from you the minute the adoption is finalized…and there is NOTHING you can do about it. Some adoptive parents do honor their open adoption agreements, but the vast majority of so-called “open” adoptions close within two years.

    Additionally, yes, you can name your baby. Unfortunately, once the adoptive parents take over caring for your child and your parental rights have been terminated, they can change the baby’s name to whatever they’d like.

    It sounds as if you are very conflicted about relinquishing your baby for adoption. If that’s the case, don’t make any decisions now. Nurture and nourish your child while you’re pregnant. Bond with the baby and hold him (her) after birth. Spend some time with your baby…THEN decide whether or not you are able to parent. If you have help (family members, good friends, etc.), there is no reason to give your baby away. If you don’t have support, find some now, before the baby is born. You will never recover from the grief you’ll experience when you hand your child over to strangers…and neither will your child. Babies don’t care if they’re wearing Baby Gap or hand-me-downs — they just want their mothers. If after holding and nursing your baby you still don’t want to parent, there will be a long line of people who want to adopt beating down your door hoping for the chance to parent your child. Don’t make any decisions now. There’s plenty of time for that AFTER the baby is born.

  4. A guaranteed open adoption… new one on me.

    Yes, however, you can name your baby whatever you like. The thing with adoption however is that once the Adoption is final they have the Legal right to name the child whatever they want to, and they often change the name.

    Just so you know:

    The thing NOT said about open adoptions is that they are legally able to be closed from the Adoptive Parents side with almost NO way for the biological parent to enforce them. Chances are good that you got told that and the prospective adoptive parents could still choose to close it at any time.Also, the adoptive parents (once the adoption is finalized) need almost no reason to close it whatsoever.

    That having been said…

    In theory an open adoption would allow you contact with your child during their childhood. After the child becomes an adult they often search for their families. A few work out well, but these are few and far between. Most Adoptive Parents KNOW that its easy to close and that is the sole reason they agree to it.

    A closed adoption does not allow contact between the Biological Parents and the child. This is the kind of adoption that is most common since the open ones seem to have a high rate of closure early on.

  5. From what I’ve read, “open” adoptions can turn “closed’ quickly with out notice, even if there is a contract. And you can name your child, but there is a chance that the adoptive parents can rename the child, too. Nothing you can do about it, once all papers are signed and the waiting time is over.

  6. An open adoption agreement isn’t legally enforceable. The adopters can close the adoption and cut your off at any time. Some will do this, and some won’t, and there’s no way to tell which decision your adopters will make.

    You can name your baby if you wish, but the adopters are free to re-name the baby whatever they want.

    I’m not trying to discourage you from adoption if you think it’s best, but I want you to know the truth before you sign anything.

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