Q&A: Under what circumstances do you agree with adoption?

Question by .: Under what circumstances do you agree with adoption?
I understand how much coersion there is in the adoption “business” (for lack of a better term), and I have three adopted siblings myself, who were all adopted under extreme circumstances.

The oldest of the bunch, Dylan (indeed a girl) is now 13 and came to us when she was 7. She’d been so horrifically abused by her drunk father and heroin-addicted mother that she was terrified to go near any adults. She’d been put into the foster system and as my dad and step mother had experience with “troubled” kids, they were asked to take her in.

They did and worked hard for two long years to gain her trust. Once they had, she insisted on staying with them, as they were the only adults she felt comfortable around. The adoption papers went through and she became my sister when she was 10. Since then, she’s come leaps and bounds, more so than any of us could have hoped for.

The younger two, twins- now 7 years old- have been with us since their birth. Their mother was also a drug addict who continued to take throughout her pregnancy and also has two older children who were taken away from her. Again, my parents were contacted in the hope they’d foster them. Of course, they agreed and to cut a long story short, they just couldn’t bear to give them up, so they also became my brother and sister.

I’ve noticed that people seem to be so hypocritical to the situation. With Dylan, they think it’s fine and dandy because she was older when we took her in, yet with the twins, it’s wrong, because we’ve had them since birth. So what- we should have left them with their mother who could have done God knows what?

So, what are your opinions? Thanks, in advance!
7rin: We haven’t erased their previous lives. Dylan still sees her older brother when possible (he’s in the Armed Forces and left before the abuse started) but doesn’t want to see her biological mother and father ever again. We ask all the time to make sure, but she’s not changed her mind.
In the case of the twins, with them still being so young, my dad and stepmum had to think for them. They gave the bio mum the chance to see her twins before they were adopted. They told her if she worked to get off the drugs and sort her life out, then she would could be a real mother, but she refused. My dad even offered to pay for her to go through rehab but she still refused. She loved her drugs more than her children, so she has no right to be anywhere near them.
commercials… : Yes, the twins were born addicts.

Best answer:

Answer by Allie
I find it very hard to belive that people would have a problem with it. I think that your parents are wonderful people for dedicating their lives to children in need. Not only have they provided a home for children who needed one they have taken children with a bad history which is not easy. I currently babysit for a family who have adopted 3 grossly disabled children, they could have addopted “normal” children but knew that these other children would find it harder to if at all find familes. I think its wonderful that people put up their hand to look after and even adopt these children. And I dont think people understand its not something you just decided overnight, they are your children like any biological children and you dont stop being family when they turn 18 and move out of home.

So anyone who saids any different is a dickhead. Its not something that everybody can do so when people can I think its just wonderful no matter what age they are when you adopt them. So keep smiling and enjoy your new siblings!

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

jillian baby

Video Rating: 0 / 5

I recommend these USA baby adoption products

Bookmark and Share
Tags : , , ,

12 thoughts on “Q&A: Under what circumstances do you agree with adoption?”

  1. I know what u are talking about. People are fine with taking kids from foster care, but not from birth since it is unnatural. People talk about getting coerced into adoptino, well my mother was coerced into thinking it was easy to kick a meth habit and become a great parent overnight. Because of these overly optimistic social workers and drug counselers, our lives (there were 7 of us) revolved around her relapses because they knew that one day she would ‘do the right thing.’ 5 out of 7 were lucky enough to get adopted, and even they were not adopted early enough in my opinion. They all have issues, especially my sister who is the oldest. Sometimes I wonder what Iwould be like and what she would be like if we had not spent so much time with my mother.and in foster care and in group homes. We hae seen things and been through things i would not wish on my worse enemies. If we had been aborted or at least taken as babies I know for a fact our lives would be better. I wish somone would have bribed her, I wish someone would have coerced her. But we cannot wonder what might have been.

    It is more commendable to adopt older kids, because they are the ones usually overlooked since everyone wants the kids with less baggage. Adopting a baby is the easy way out. Foster kids have their midlife crisis early because we know our time is runing out (I had mine at about 11.) That is not to say don;t adopt babies though, like everyone else on this message board is saying, dont give babies the opportunity to be abused.

    I will never understand why u would leave a defenseless baby or a kid in a risky situation in the ‘hopes’ that the mother will do the right thing.

  2. I am kinda in the same situation as you. MY nieces where adopted as babies, my brothers as teens.
    People assume the same… good for my parents for taking ni older children and shame on my sister for wanting “fresh” ones.

    All four of them came from the same place, the same orphanage that was under attack, the same extreme malnutrition, the same extreme neglect, same civil war, same corrupt government (not corrupt like the USA… a whole different level of messed up), the same hopeless future.

    I don’t agree with my sister’s reasons for adopting but I am grateful that my nieces have a better life… one that was guaranteed to NEVER happen in their homeland.

    I have yet to meet someone, or even read about someone who disagrees with my brothers having been adopted, yet they think my nieces should have been left behind to suffer… and yes, they where suffering

    people who think IA is always horrible need to come out of their bubble. I think it’s horrible to let a child go without food and clean water, to be living in an orphange that is under attack (yes, for real… daily gun wars and bomb threats). Those people have never seen a child that rocks itself constantly due to extreme neglect. To expect a child to live like that is nothing short of cruel

  3. Your family taking in drug babies/kids to foster is God like in my opinion. And to adopt the same is likewise. Kids/babies should never be left with drug abusers, or idiots that abuse kids. Adoption stabilizes the kid, and gives them some reasonable facsimile of normalcy. There are bad foster families yes, but no more than real families. There are people who adopt for the wrong reason, but few. I commend your family, and send the fickle bird of fate to those who oppose you. Blessings to your family.

  4. Adoption is a personal decision for both birth & adoptive parents, & I think it’s always ok as long as it’s done legally & ethically. It’s not our place to judge other people’s reasons, it’s between you & God what you feel is best for your family. I’m sick of some of the regulars here thinking I made a bad choice because I chose to adopt a newborn privately instead of an older child through foster care. Not everyone is cut out to adopt an older, special needs child, & regardless of what some people on here say there are babies who need homes. We did lots of research on all the options & decided which one was best for us. I’m not going to share our birthmom’s details because I respect her privacy, but she felt adoption was her best option without being pressured or coerced, received lots of counseling, & chose us to be her baby’s mom & dad. The agency we worked with was very professional & ethical. I know of several good, honest, ethical private adoption agencies. I also know of some dishonest, unethical ones that are just out for money.
    I find it interesting that the only negative comments I’ve received are from Yahoo Answers. Everyone else has told me how wonderful it is to adopt, including some adult adoptees.

  5. I don’t.

    It’s entirely possible to take children who need homes and families in without having to erase any life they’ve had before that with a legalised lie.

    If you’ve adopted, then you’ve legally eliminated their life from before. Kudos to you keeping them in touch with their families, but staying in touch with their families isn’t mutually exclusive wrt forging their birth certificate.

    ETA *hands Smarmy the Best Answer Cookie*

  6. I think it’s complete craziness that people have such a negative attitude towards adoption. I have always wanted to do an adoption, so my husband and I have decided our youngest will be adopted. We have one child, and one on the way, and I don’t think our family will ever feel complete without doing an adoption. Just because you don’t birth the baby, doesn’t mean the baby isn’t your child.

  7. Seems to me there is a lot of confusion here about “adoption” and when it is OK, by virtue by the many questions being asked here between yesterday and this morning.
    The word “adoption” encompasses a wide spectrum of types of adoption. Yet seems several questions here lately, are in regards to fost to adopt or from adoptees that were adopted from foster care.
    I don’t believe there is a person here who is against children being adopted (or guardianship) from fostercare where there is PROVEN neglect and abuse and there is simply no non-abusive natural relative available or is not willing to care for said child. Who in their right mind would want a child to remain in a PROVEN neglectful and abusive situation or where no natural family wants them?…I know I surely wouldn’t.
    Now I will just speak for me, personally. I am against PAPs using the fostercare system for their own agenda..in hopes of getting a baby or toddler, no interest really in fostercare and trying to take the monetary cheaper route to adoption. I would hope that foster carers true and first priority mission was to provide a safe environment for those children who certainly (PROVEN) need a safe place to live…the goal of adoption being further down the list of their priorities.

    The other problem I think some people are confused about when people speak about the loss of identity, etc. Is to do with the child’s original birth certificate being replaced by the fake one (amended birth certificate) that details the aparents giving birth to said child, when in fact they did not, might even change the place of birth or birthdate. This is a major concern as this fake certificate is legally wiping out the child’s birth history/event and ancestry. No matter the crime committed against the child…simply erasing one’s true birth history, will not erase the abuse nor the primal fact of who this child’s natural mother/parents/family is. Is the OBC indicative that the child has to love his/her natural parents, care about them after being abused and neglected by them?… of course not. But this is a legal document detailing this child’s actual birth event/history and there is no need to wipe out who this child was originally born as. The ABC creates a legalized lie, a legal fiction. In any type of adoption….the *adoption act* should be an addendum to the *original*, not a replacement for.

    I guess I am not understanding how some people are construing that so many are against foster care, well at least here at YA Adoption. I think maybe when we are asking questions about *adoption*, that the word adoption be associated more closely with the *type* of adoption and not just the general categorization of adoption. And also that some people understand the deep concern in regards to wiping out the original birth certificate with an amended one. This is very important to many, many adoptees and natural mothers as well, no matter the *type* of *adoption*.

  8. Bless your family for taking in this children and adopting them. Your family has given them stability, , love and most importantly puts them first. As far as the twins its clear sadly that their natural mother does(did) not give a dam about them. Thank God they were spared had they stayed with her they likely also would have suffered neglect and possible abuse from this woman. I am sorry about what your sister Dylan had to go through but I am also glad that your other brother and sister never had to go through that. Lets face most likely had they stayed with their natural mother they would have suffered As you said she put her drugs first even from what you say poisoned them in utero.

  9. I don’t believe “many” mothers honestly do not care about their children, or love their drugs more. I do believe anyone who has not struggled with an addiction can’t possibly understand the process.

    Not saying that it’s okay for women to do drugs during pregnancy or afterward to the point of harming their children. I do believe that those children do need rescuing. No child should have to be trapped in such an unhealthy environment.

    all I’m saying is I do understand why some PEOPLE not just women, turn down help. Getting clean and staying that way is a lot of work, and a lot of pressure. that’s why so many fail. But like anything else, if you haven’t lives it maybe you shouldn’t judge it. Maybe you don’t understand the dynamics of addiction.

    Do I believe the children should be adopted, probably not as it will seal their records away from them. Guardianship would probably be a better situation.

  10. oh yes, lovely. once again people who have never been foster kids, deciding whats best for foster kids. are you protecting the kid, or the abusive parent’s ego?

    foster kids should be adopted. most of us dont want to be “half” members of a family, most of us actually want to be a full stop member even if at the time we resist (we are testing you!). a child abuser shouldnt be allowed to have any connection with us. why should the rights of the parent supercede ours?!

    since no one changed my identity then, i am having to do it now when it is much more difficult. and because of my so-called “identity” being preserved i was stalked, abused some more, abducted, etc. and i had to give up my own child for adoption. ya that’s right. she wasnt safe with me. because of my precious identity and the mental health problems that THOSE people gave me. i can’t function half the time but i have my original birth certificate. great.

    i will NOT identify with abusers anymore. they are NOT my family. I will decide who my family is. and they aren’t it.

Leave a Reply