Should I go through with adoption?

Question by michelle.: Should I go through with adoption?
I am 16 and 32 weeks pregnant. Everyone in my family and the babies dad have been pushing me towards adoption since I found out I was pregnant even tho I wanted to keep the baby I went to an adoption agency and I recently just picked the family. We have been emailing for over a month now so we kno each other pretty well. The adoption would be open but this whole time I have been having the feeling that I am ment to keep the baby. I really don’t know what to do. I know if I did keep him I would have family support even tho they think adoption is better. I just need help deciding what I should do. And please no negative comments.

Best answer:

Answer by lonely4ever20
Follow your heart. How would you deal with putting your baby up for adoption? I personally have a 12 month old and am due to have a second baby in 24 weeks, it will be hard as heck, but hun if you want that baby keep him. If you ever need to talk you can either im on yahoo or e-mail. I will listen and try to help you..
Mom Of 2 Under 2

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18 thoughts on “Should I go through with adoption?”

  1. As someone who kept her son when she got pregnant senior year in high school the first thing you have to ask yourself is how are you going to support this baby? Will you continue your education?

    Would the baby have a more stable up brining in the adopted home?

    I was able to support my child without using public aid. I didn’t get child support until my son was 2. If you can give that child the love and financial support it needs along with a clean safe loving home then keep the baby. But remember being a parent is a job for life. When they are screaming at 3 in the morning and you haven’t slept or you want to go out and hang with your friends your child should always come first.

    Parenthood is a lot of sacrifice. I gave up going to parties, prom, graduation, baseball games and sporting events until my child was old enough to go and I am sorry a 6 month old baby does not belong at ameusement parks or ball games. They belong at home.

  2. If you really feel that you need to keep the baby and you have a family that can help you then keep your baby. But there are a few questions you need to ask yourself: Are you ready to pretty much give up your social life? (your baby is going to need all of your love and attention) Are you financially able to support you and a baby that is going to need lots of diapers (And babies grow faster than you think, you are going to go through a lot of clothes.) Are you going to be ok raising the baby alone? (Chances are if the baby’s father is telling you to give it up he isn’t going to stick around.)
    Having said that the choice is yours alone. Listen to your heart, you can’t go wrong.

  3. You should make a list… reasons to keep the child, reasons to give the child up for adoption. The fact that you have chosen an adoptive couple and are now second guessing the process makes me want to scream ‘hurry up and decide and keep your decision permanent’. You arent just screwing with your own life or your child’s life in this situation you are now screwing with the hopes of the adoptive couple who are eagerly waiting to be parents and have thought they will be given this opportunity through you. If you are going to keep the baby, you need to make that decision now, not after you hold it at the hospital and the couple waiting has been left in limbo, not knowing, and has already planned their own home for the arrival of a child.

    Im adopted. I wouldnt have had it any other way. My birth mother wasnt prepared to care for me and my birth father was unnamed. I was adopted at birth (well, 7 mos. because the state had to allot time for the father to claim me, which he didnt). I was given a great life, wasnt treated any different than my parents biological child, and had a much more successful childhood than I would have had with my birth mom.

    Why do you want to keep this baby? Because its ‘yours’? You should be considering what will provide the child with the most productive life possible and Im not just talking materialism, Im also talking about opportunities. What opportunities are you going to provide this baby? If you cant support the child on your own, it would really not be much different than your parents acting as surrogate parents and supporting this child than this couple being the parents and allowing you open adoption opportunities.

    Personally, as an adopted child, I find open adoption confusing. Does the adopted child call you mom or her mom? I find open adoption more confusing for the childs growth than closed adoption for that very reason. Ive found that children in open adoptions have less bond with the adopted parents than the biological ones. I dont know if thats a henderence or not.

    Any ways, its ultimately your decision, but if its a decision of having your parents support the child or, being on welfare or, offering the child a productive life with a loving couple who otherwise wouldnt have a child of their own, I think the child deserves the family that is most prepared to care for it. Its the least selfish thing to do.

    There’s a lot to think about. With a baby, will you miss prom? Will you miss college? Will you miss sleepovers or sports etc.? Are you willing to missout for this baby? If yes, then maybe you are ready to be a mom, if no, you arent.

    Either way, for the feelings of the couple left waiting and for your unborn child, make a decision and make your heart stick to it. This isnt a game, this isnt some thing you can say ‘do-over’, its a lifetime decision, either way you go, for all parties involved.

  4. You need to go with your heart. If you give the baby up and you truly do not feel right about it, you will never be able to really move forward. I’m an adoptive mom and we have a great open relationship with our daughter’s family and her mom felt 100% certain that her daughter belonged with us. You need that certainty, too. Good luck to you with such a tough decision!!

  5. i think u should keep ur child if u are feeling that u are meant to. u will always regret giving him up, and remember u will NOT get him back. ever. an open adoption is no guarantee u will ever see ur child again, there is no law to make the a parents allow u to see him or her. its ur baby, u will manage. ignore the babies dad, and ur family, this is UR child i dont care how old u are i know a girl had a baby at14 and he is about 6 now, shes 20, and she loves him to bits. yes, its hard. and yes, u will not be able to be the irresponsible teenager you may have been otherwise, u will have a lot to do. obvioulsy it would be easier if u had people to support u. talk to ur parents! they might listen. think about temporary foster care or something. adoption is permanent, and u may never get over it.
    dont let anyone guilt u into giving ur baby away.

  6. It’s a big undertaking in the best of worlds but this is something Only you can decide for when the chips fall you are the one held responsible for everything.Peoples promises don’t always mean anything. If your family is not behind you I feel you will have a very rough time. But follow your heart and search for the way to go. Prayer changes things too.

  7. Listen to your heart…your child is and always will be a part of your heart and soul. Your life will not end if you keep and raise your own child. IT IS NOT A DEATH SENTENCE!! as some would have you believe. Your life will definitely change…every mother’s life does, no matter her age! The moment your baby’s head comes popping out, in that one instant, life will never be the same again. Does not mean it will be all negative nor all positive…but it will be your life with your own child, as was meant to be. No one can make this choice for you, only you can make the choice to keep, raise and love your own child, or to choose a lifepath of adoption for your baby, that you have no guarantees will be better, only different. If you have the support of your family, are willing to do what’s best for your baby (being with his own mother), the trust and belief in yourself that yes you will be the best mother for your baby…then please keep your baby, he belongs with you, his very own mother. Neither you nor your baby will remain young forever…and PAPs that have never raised a child before, have no more parenting skills than you. They may have better jobs and a little bit more money, but they don’t have the one thing you have…and that is your natural bond and natural relationship to the little ‘him’ that is growing inside of you. I wish you and your baby all the good that this world has to offer…and there is still good in this world. I wish you and your baby all the love there is as well. Good Luck! and sincerely hope your birthing day, is short and wonderous!

  8. Do what feels right! Don’t just do what everyone wants you to do. If you want to keep your baby, you keep your baby. It will be hard girl but your parents will come around, if you don’t keep the baby you could regret it forever and there’s nothing you can do about it, now there is help from the state and friends, honey you are young and everything happens for a reason, you can still go to school… whatever its not the end of the world… your baby your life as long as you can love the baby keep him or her. I am 21 I want a child so bad and I can not have one… what a blessing that you are able sweetie. Follow your heart!

  9. You should keep him. You’re already hesitant, imagine how you’ll feel when he’s born. Everyone is trying to put doubt into your mind and while I can agree that parenthood can be hard, it is definitely worthwhile. I have a one year old son and I cannot imagine how devastating it would be to put him in the arms of a stranger, I’ve never felt such love. You have your family’s support, I don’t see any reason for you to give him away. If adoption doesn’t feel right to you now, it’ll never feel right. Life will be harder without him. Tell the PAPs that you’ve changed your mind, they’ve been briefed and expect it already; they just want A baby, not YOUR baby. Best of luck to you and your little guy!

  10. You really have to decide this for yourself. Also realize there is no rush to decide. The relinquishment is signed after the birth, and you have every right to change your mind up until that point. If you like the family be honest with them and let them know you are having doubts. They deserve to know it might not happen – and they should be fine with that. Think about how you will raise this child, and what kind of parent you can be. If you feel that you should keep the baby that is what is best. It will be very hard to give the child up if you don’t feel it is the right decision. Being a parent at such a young age is hard too. You have a tough choice and need to take your time and decide what is best.

  11. No, you should not be thinking of adoption if you have doubts now. Your doubts will increase a thousand times the first time you see and hold YOUR child. Matching with an adoptive family before you even have the opportunity to see and hold your child is a huge mistake on your part. I STRONGLY recommend that you stop all contact with the family. Do not talk to them, email them, or let them anywhere near the hospital. This is YOUR time – not theirs. If you have to have your baby adopted, they will still be there after you meet your baby.

    Open adoption is a fraud and a scam to get babies away from young mothers. They are not legally binding and most are closed as soon as termination papers are signed. Just read through Y!A and see all of the questions from heartbroken mothers and fathers who were cheated out of their babies in so-called “open” adoption and later had the door slammed in their face when the adoptive parents moved, changed phone numbers, and threatened to charge the natural parents with stalking.

    Please talk to your family and let them know how you feel. Tell them that you do not want to lose your child – their grandchild. Tell them you can take care of your baby and prove it to them. Read about child care, talk to your school about day care.

    Please have your parents read these articles about the scourge of infant adoption:

    http://www.exiledmothers.com/speaking_out/message_for_grandparents.html
    http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index.php?id=1

    They expose the lies that your adoption agency has probably told you and your parents.

    Fewer than 1% of single mothers give their babies away to strangers these days. It is so unnecessary and just not done anymore.

  12. If your going to keep the baby then make up your mind and do it. Tell the couple you’ve changed your mind. The longer you string them along as a ‘just in case’ the harder it will be for you. Just tell your family you can’t go through with it. You said they’ll support you even if they dont’t agree with your choice, but thats life not everyone will agree with the choices you make or approve. Don’t start trying to please everyone, cause you never will.

    Be honest! With everyone involved. It is your baby, but don’t build peoples hopes up any more than necessary.

    All the best.

  13. If you have any doubts at all then keep your baby. Ya with an open adoption you can see the baby and things but it’s like taking the back seat are you ready for that. They make all the decisions and it’s a binding contract as soon as you sign the papers there is no going back. ever.

  14. Please don’t do it because they want you, you’ll end up regretting it about a year, it’s gonna be hard raising the baby but you can do it. I know everyone has inner strength.

  15. you need to be able to live with your descision. Do not let anyone push you into anything. if you want to keep your baby- do it. If you descide to go with adoption, be sure you did that because you thought it was best. Good luck to you!!

  16. I would go through with the adoption. It seems like you’ve already given the family the impression that you’re going to give them your baby. Since it’s an open adoption then you’ll still be in your baby’s life. Just make sure you talk to them about whether or not they plan to move far away.

  17. Absolutely NOT. The people that are telling you to go through this have not lived this hell. If they did, they would not want you sentenced to this hellish existance of life without your child. Infant Adoption is brutal, it is barbaric and it is inhumane for BOTH natural mother and child.

    Your child wants YOU. Your child knows ONLY YOU. Your infant child will suffer when he/she is ripped from your arms and given to strangers. This wound will follow your child for life. You will also be scarred for life. It is a huge and brutal trauma to lose a child in this manner, and you will never be the same. You will not get over it. As a matter of fact, the grief will intensify as you grow older. Your life will be a slow torture without your child.

    This IS the life you will be chosing when you chose adoption. I know, I live it. I would not wish this on anyone.

    Also….I hope that you know that open adoptions are not enforceable. You will be promised one, but chances are very strong it will never happen. This is something that agencies fail to tell young mothers. It is a LURE used to get women to sign over their precious baby. This promise is rarely honored.

    The contact that you are counting on for survival and peace of mind may never happen. You have no rights. You are an end to a means, and disposed of when the goods are gotten. That is the hard cold truth. It might be hard to hear, but it is even harder to live it.

    Talk to natural moms who have lived with adoption for years on end. You will hear what your life will be like if you chose adoption. Don’t listen to people that have not lived it. They have no idea what it is like.

    Keep your baby!

  18. You are feeling that you are meant to keep the baby because you are the baby’s mother. It is unnatural for a mother to hand her child over to a stranger to raise.

    NO ONE can force you to surrender your child, and there is help for you. Also, please know that “open adoption” is NOT legally enforceable in the Untied States.

    Send the agency and the couple an email AND a certified, registered-mail letter and let them know you are keeping your baby. You have NO obligation to speak to them again. You can do this, and will be a great Mother. Your baby wants YOU- NOT a stranger.

    Here are some links for you to help you and your baby.

    http://www.exiledmothers.com/open_adoption/
    http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/adoption_coercion.html
    http://www.nancyverrier.com
    http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org
    http://www.amfor.net/acs
    http://www.origins-usa.org
    http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm
    http://www.keepyourbaby.com/
    http://www.cubirthparents.org
    http://www.thegirlswhowentaway.com/

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