Which is it? Does an infant/child need both a mother and a father?

Question by gypsywinter: Which is it? Does an infant/child need both a mother and a father?
married?? Wasn’t the whole foundation of adopting stranger children to provide those children with what they didn’t have, parents that were married? This is the standard that the adoption industry and most apars hold as the Gold Standard of Family Life in America…marriage. Wasn’t that the primary basis of adoption…to provide married parents, mother/father, for the kids?
Single women who want to adopt…seem to be always encouraged to adopt..rarely being told that children need a mother and a Father! Yet when there is a pg mother here…she is automatically told by many PAPs and adopters alike (or even those who haven’t a clue about adoption) on this forum…that children need A Mother and A Father…and married!! You know all that stable, responsible financial stuff that can only come with being married…(yeah, right, plenty of married couples have gone to the poor house for a myriad of reasons). So which is it…is it OK for any child to be raised by a single parent, female or male….natural or adoptive? Or should the old adoption standard be invoked across the board, that of a married couple only (when adopting) as being the Gold Standard in Adoption and keeping within the American ideal of…in the best interest of the child?
ETA: Not talking about single bio parents raising their own children, talking about single people who want to adopt.


Best answer:

Answer by Shelby. (:
No, the whole foundation of adopting children was not the sole purpose of being married.

It was for them to have someone that loves them.

And no, stable responsible financial stuff is not only considered to be good for married parents.

You’re sounding a bit idiotic at this point, dear.

And yes, it’s perfectly fine for a child to be raised by one parent.
I was, and I believe that I was raised extremely well.

Dear, you’re quite the close minded person.

Add your own answer in the comments!

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11 thoughts on “Which is it? Does an infant/child need both a mother and a father?”

  1. you dont have to be married to have kids, alot of people arent married that have kids, alot of single parents raise children, my husband grew up without a dad and my dad raised me, i pretty much grew up with my mom in and out so i really didnt have her there mainly my dad. when adopting single people should be able to adopt because not every one wants to be married but they still have the right to have kids.

  2. I have never heard of a gold standard in adoption. One good , fit, parent is enough for the cause. It is ok for any child to be adopted, loved, and provided for by any one single parent–black or white or whatever the color.

  3. In my opinion, a child being adopted by a single parent or even a gay couple is better than them not being adopted at all. However a straight couple (not necessarily married) should always take priority.

  4. Assuming she/he is not abusive or neglectful, a biological mother or father should have the opportunity to raise their baby, and shouldn’t be denied that because of marital status.

    Assuming she/he is not abusive or neglectful, a single parent should be considered to adopt a child who is actually in need of a home, assuming that parent meets the other criteria and is financially, socially, and emotionally stable enough to raise a child.

    Single parents can do just fine raising kids. Yes, mothers have been discriminated against for being single, and that’s very wrong, but we should be fighting that discrimination and opposing those stereotypes–not applying them to adoptive parents too as though it’s somehow revenge.

    ALL single parents should be supported and encouraged; vilifying any sort of single parent doesn’t help the cause of parental rights at all, including for single biological parents. And it doesn’t help kids who have no homes to arbitrarily deny them that chance, just because the prospective adoptive parent who wants to care for them happens to be single.

    That said, fathers aren’t unimportant. If it’s possible for a father to be involved in his child’s life– ideally not just financially, but REALLY involved in parenting– he should be. But kids can do just fine with a single parent, and shouldn’t lose the parent they do have because they can’t have two… that would be really backwards and doesn’t solve anything.

  5. First answer is interesting. It Isn’t and never was about a two parent married family? Ummmm I beg to differ. It was about the shame of being unwed or infertile and most definitely about a two parent and married family. She must be young.

    Good question. I go back and forth with this all the time.
    If marriage was the catalyst behind adoption then why let singles or same sex couples adopt?

    It’s a double standard that revolves around money these days. If you have the money, you can be an adoptive parent.

    I personally think that its is great to have both influences on a child, if both influences are upstanding people, but it isn’t mandatory.

  6. Supposedly adoption was about providing children with homes when needed.

    But, I recall being told that even if my son’s father and I had been married that we couldn’t have been “as good” for him as an adoptive home would be.

    Adoption…in any form of family…was the Gold Standard of Parenthood

    So, I would assume that a single adoptive parent would also be better than a single bio-parent. And a single adoptive parent would even be better than a married bio-parent in the minds of some people.

    When my son and I re-united, I found that his “2-parent home” had been abusive and unstable, and that my child had been subjected to years of pain. And, that he had been been raised by a series of “dads’ .

  7. It’s very simple. Children “need a married mother and a father” unless and until they are relinquished. Then, no matter what their first mothers were told, they need a married mother and father, or an unmarried mother and father, or a mother, or a father, or two mothers, or two fathers, or whoever can pony up the fees. Duh (eyeroll).

  8. The only gold standard in adoption today is the GOLD. Those who have it get a baby, those without it lose their flesh and blood forever.

  9. Actually, the whole foundation of adopting children is to provide them with at least ONE person who can/will take care of them, which is better than they had pre-adoption.

  10. I think single parents, natural or adoptive can be great parents. My sister made a great single mom. I’m an exuberantly proud aunt. She needed help sometimes…so what? We loved him and her, and were able to help whenever we could.

    I think being single must be one of the single stupidest reasons I’ve ever heard as to why a child should be relinquished. In my opinion, it’s right up there with “poor” and “unfulfilled dreams”.

    It is always helpful to have a support system, regardless, that includes other role models, but I don’t believe any parent needs to be “married” in order to raise a child.

    Single parents are welcomed in the foster care system, so long as there is adequate support (not just financial, but emotional) and the parent is prepared (as much as possible) for the challenges of going it alone.

  11. i dont have any problem with single people adopting.

    if the reason i was giving my daughter up was because i was single…i probably wouldn’t be giving her up.

    if that were my only problem i wouldnt be looking at adoption.

    the adoptive mom i have chosen for my daughter was a foster mom. she is a writer and works at home. shes single.

    im not religious and i dont care if shes married. i just wanted the best parent for my kid, and i like her a lot.

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